Feeling lost...

When I promised to get back to this space, I was in hopes of blogging spring gardening, my latest obsessions, and kid's activities.

But it's about to get REAL up in here.

About two years ago my oldest son, Ryan, moved out on his own.  It was a good move because Ryan and I are more alike than I'd like to admit and for his entire life we have butted heads.  Ryan has always been extremely independent and fearless.  I had no doubt this young man would be just fine, and I'm happy to report

 no bail money has been spent...yet!

But just a month ago, my second son, Kyle, 

moved out on his own.  

I thought I was ready.

I clearly am not.

I am lost.

I know it's the hope of every parent that their kids move on from the nest and become happy and productive people.  

It's my hope, too.  That's why I'm reeling from the punch in the gut that I'm feeling right now.

Doug just doesn't understand.

It's a MAMA thing!

There are still three kiddos at home who still need me...ALOT!  

But it seems I'm always on the edge of tears because my oldest two don't need me anymore.  They are working, meeting new people, and having adventures without me...and in spite of me...and I just want to watch from the sidelines to make sure they're happy, safe, and well.  Sure, they text and call daily but it's not the same.

They've moved on and I have not.

I don't want to stop mothering them!

I like the dirty faces, the messes, the fights, the noise,

ALL OF IT!

For now I bribe them to come home with Sunday dinners, 

a carload of groceries, or offers to do their laundry.  

Sometimes they jump at the offer and sometimes I get, 

"Maybe later, Mom, I've got plans."  

We've all got to figure out this new chapter we've come to.

So say a prayer for this lost mama to find her way.

'Cause growing up is HARD!

"I love you forever.

I'll like you for always.

As long as I'm living,

my baby you'll be."

~Robert Munsch

From the book, Love You Forever